My 1st Sonogram

To start I have been feeling pretty down- I have been sick for so long and though it has gotten better I never know how I will feel each day and it makes it so hard to be productive. And even if I am feeling well I am always tired because I am only sleeping a couple hours at a time and my anxiety and manic-ness make it even harder than normal pregnancy insomnia. Then there is the disappointment with school and managing to not only go through a break up but lose that person not only as a friend but somehow lose him in every area possible for reasons that I am unable to get an answer for. Going off medication and dealing with that endless rollercoaster - moods, sleep, metabolism changing, general withdrawl, not to mention MOODS. Work sucks, and I have been waiting and waiting for this medicaid to go through so i don't have this huge interest on my credit card for my first medical bill --- AND with all this stuff racing through my head I went to the doctor for my sonogram to check on Baby's Development.....

We get there and within two minutes I am laying there with warm goop all over my belly and the tech lady starts moving that magic wand around and I see my little baby. Now I have to tell you that I spent the last couple days googling what a sonogram at 11 weeks should look like; I am a dork, but I wanted to make sure I knew what I would be seeing or wouldn't be seeing and I wouldn't pull a Rachel on Friends and not be able to see where my Baby is. But I didn't need to prepare because I was not confused at all- only 3.24 centimeters but there was no doubt that it was a little baby. I could see its little arms and hands and legs and you can even see the nose sticking out... as if just looking at this little guy wasn't enough the nurse goes moving all around and measuring from every millionth angle and suddenly the baby archs its little back and starts moving all around and waving those itsy bitsy arms all around- my heart totally melted. I expected to see this little Baby in all its fetal glory, but I was not ready for dancing and arm waving!!! Then she turns up the magic switch that lets me hear the heart beat and it is so perfect and just pump pump pumping away (i recorded it on my phone). It was great!! Totally made my day, my week, my month, hell it made my year.

As far as the medical details go: my uterus is the right size for as far as I am, baby is developed just like normal, I am not farther along than we thought (11 weeks), though we calculated my last period and the due date is December 19th ... my tubes and ovaries and all that are normal and healthy and I am totally good to make a baby. At least as far as the sonogram tech/nurse person said. So I am happy and realived and I have a little picture to look at for the next couple months till I get my next sonogram. I am totally in love and baby and I are going to be just fine!

THEN to make things even better I get up this morning and there are like 3 envelopes and then this HUGE envelope for me on the table... my freaking medicaid went through and now I have insurance and I can get the fancy prenatal vitamins and I can go to a freakin therapist so I don't lose my damn mind (more than I already have)... I can get my damn ob-gyn bill reimbursed so I don't have to pay citibank... OH the joy I feel knowing that I am going to be healthy and everything is taken care of. I can even go to the freakin' dentist- the dentist!!! Thank Goodness!

I felt so good today- I was tired and sweating my butt off- but I didn't feel sick- please please let it be ending so that I can be productive and happy and enjoy life from off the couch!!! I am crossing my fingers!